you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
