Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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