saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
