i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
