remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
