dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
