I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
