I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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