i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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