i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
