Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
