i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
