It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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