I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
