highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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