Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
