So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize