someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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