what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
