He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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