I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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