saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
