Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
