Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
