I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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