Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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