She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
