so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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