one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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