Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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