Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
