Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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