just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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