News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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