Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
