i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
