so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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