I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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