Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I came so hard my ears popped.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
