Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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