I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
