I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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