...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
