So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
