He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
worst night to have a conscience
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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