i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
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I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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