He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
