Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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