I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
