i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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