Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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