Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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