ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Life is so much better after having sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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