Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
