i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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