I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
