You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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