I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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