i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
