dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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