his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is the high leading the old right now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
