my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
