Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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