there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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