Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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