need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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