Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
