She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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