we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
