and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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