I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
