you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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