I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
