what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize