I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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