i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
