I am in a vortex of obligation.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
