It's like God shit irony all over that family
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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