There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You are a genius and a whore.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize