worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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