the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
